Redefining Happiness: Why It’s Less About Smiling and More About Feeling Rooted

When most people picture happiness, they imagine laughter, lightness, maybe even a beach vacation or a perfect day. But I’ve come to see happiness differently. It’s not about the highs—it’s about feeling anchored in something deeper. As David Brooks writes in The Second Mountain, “Happiness is what we aim for on the first mountain, but joy is a byproduct of living for something beyond yourself.” That distinction changed everything for me. Real happiness is rootedness. It’s community. It’s showing up when no one’s watching. It’s the quiet, grounded joy that grows from within when your life aligns with your values.

The Happiness Myth

We live in a world that sells happiness as a product—something to be achieved through success, purchases, or positive thinking. We’re told to chase “good vibes only,” only to keep smiling no matter what, and to measure our worth by how productive or outwardly cheerful we appear. But this version of happiness is fragile. It’s surface-level. It leaves us craving more the moment things get quiet or hard.

Psychologists often distinguish between two kinds of happiness: hedonic happiness, which comes from pleasure, and eudaimonic happiness, which comes from a purpose and meaning. The former is fleeting—a good meal, a funny movie, a sunny day. The latter runs deep—it’s the fulfillment we feel when we’re living in alignment with our truest values, even in the face of challenge or discomfort. And that kind of happiness doesn’t always look like a smile. Sometimes it looks like tears, truth, or stillness.

What does it mean to feel “rooted?”

Let me tell you what I believe—being happy isn’t about constant joy. This is where the “rooted” feeling comes in:

Feeling rooted means you have a strong sense of who you are, where you stand, and what supports you. It’s the feeling you get when your feet are in the earth, your breath is steady, and your soul feels seen. It’s knowing you belong—even if just to yourself. In a chaotic world, rootedness is the medicine that keeps us from getting swept away.

How can I create this sense of rootedness?

• Enjoying your favorite food/drink without a screen

• Writing in a gratitude journal each morning + night

• Practicing meditation + breath work in the morning sun (my fave is Qigong)

• Saying “no” when you mean it

• Saying “yes” when you feel safe

Research backs this up. The Roseto Effect showed that connection and community have real, physical impacts on our health. And Brene Brown’s BRAVING acronym reminds us that trust—within ourselves and with others—is the foundation of strong, joyful lives. When we feel safe, supported, and aligned, joy becomes possible.

Joy as a Byproduct, Not a Goal

David Brooks’ concept of the “second mountain” describes a turning point in life—a move from chasing personal success to embracing deeper commitment. Bringing this quote back one more time, “Happiness is what we aim for on the first mountain, but joy is a byproduct of living for something beyond yourself.” This speaks to me on every level. When I focus less on what I’m getting and more on what I’m giving, I feel lighter. Not in a performative way—but in a truly connected, soul-deep way.

I’ve seen this in my own life. When I reach out to someone hurting. When I write honestly. When I show up for my family, my community, or even just my own inner child—that’s when I feel whole. And I’ve seen it in others, too. Survivors of unimaginable pain, finding joy again by building something new. Nurses, advocates, artists—each person pouring into others not to fix them, but to share the overflow of love they’ve nurtured within themselves.

That kind of happiness doesn’t shout. It hums.

A Rooted Life is a Happy Life

So if happiness feels out of reach lately, maybe don’t reach for more. Maybe root down instead.

Happiness isn’t a goal to achieve—it’s the fruit of a well-tended life. One built on purpose, connection, trust, and truth. One that gives just as much as it receives. One that lets you sit in silence and still feel full.

Start small:

• Take a week without social media

• Call a friend and ask how they really are

• Light a candle before bed and focus on breath work

• Say something kind to your reflection

You don’t need to climb higher. You just need to root deeper.

And from that place, joy will grow.

‘til next time,

Rainey